I remember so many conversations with Mark about what we were going to be like as parents, not so much about how it would change us (well to be honest we would have never even got close to understanding that pre baby!) but how much it “wasn’t” going to change us, who we were, our lives, routine, lifestyle, evenings out having cocktails, lazy mornings in bed and having breakfast .. and doing other things … ha … hahaha!!
Having Bodhi has changed everything, it has had a profound and unimaginable effect on our relationship, our marriage, love and who we are now.
I just adore Mark, that hasn’t changed, but I honestly believed that we would be exactly the same, just with the addition of a baby … !! It’s not that I didn’t think it would be hard and there would be times that would challenge us, we had gone through IVF to have our little miracle and had been tested by the ups and downs of that journey, with the added joy of the crazy levels of synthetic hormones raging through my body … but from the very second our little cub entered the world the life that we had known, our relationship turned completely on its head and things as knew it would never be the same again.
The past 8 months have been really incredible, beautiful, blessed and so happy – but really really bloody tough adjusting to being parents to this tiny little person who’s whole happiness depends on us. I thought the bond we had before was strong, but its deepened more than I could have imagined, its had to as we have never had to deal with so much conflict until now. BB (before Bodhi!) I could have counted the times we had fallen out on one hand (3 times … we had argued 3 times in 3 years!) but these days we will be lucky if we get through the day without snapping, grumbling or an eye roll … let alone my childish, but satisfying action of sticking my tongue out at Mark when his back is turned on occasion!!!! (sorry darling I dont do this really!!), this is mainly due to the extreme level of exhaustion and sleep deprivation – we are just both so damn tired ALL THE TIME … and yes this does get competitive on occasion even though you dont want it to be. Its also the constant high levels of anxiety and that now bombard your everyday life … there seems to be so much more risk in this little persons world … like for example when they roll out of the bed in the middle of the night, which then followed a mummy meltdown at daddy and a trip to A&E!!!
We have had to learn to work as a team, to be empathetic, understanding, to ask for help and to offer help without being asked or prompted. To forgive each other, not hold judges, to put someone else rather than ourselves first, to be grown ups … to be parents!!
That now comes first – its just that simple … this amazing little human we have created is the centre of our universe and as hard as the adjustment has been, we are both getting there and wouldn’t have it any other way.
… and just a note to my husband … YOU are doing an amazing job, you are just a bloody awesome father and hubby and managing to keep your wife sane and still smiling (even with all the crap thats gone down the last few months!!) … to use a much coined expression, you are “fathering the shit out of life” … high five!! ps. We love you.
Anyway to end – there will be times when you will want to punch your partner in the face and times you want to run away with them to your own little baby free island just you 2 and a load of highs and lows in between, just remember you are both in the same situation … you are both winging it and loosing your shit … be kind to each other … and never stop holding hands – you ARE both amazing parents!