Happy Mother’s Day ?
It seems quite apt that this week should end with a day celebrating motherhood, not with breakfast in bed & flowers (although I wouldn’t argue!) but some time to reflect on mummy achievements, instincts, highs, lows, relationships and how much motherhood has changed me.
This week has been incredibly emotive, it has tested me and my instincts as a mum, inspired and empowered me as a soul sister and made me reflect as a daughter.
After a nasty biting the boob incident my little cub went on a nursing strike for 4 days (this from the baby who hadn’t been able to go more than an hour without hanging off it whenever it was near!) I was flooded with guilt that my reaction had scared him (having taken advice, told him a firm “no” when he bit me), anguished and exhausted that he suddenly found himself unable to sleep at night without the comfort and safety he had got from boob sleeping over the last year and so he sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably for 2 nights and all we could do was to take turns to hold and rock him. I also felt a sense of loss for our special bond, I never intended to be demand feeding at 1 year still and had been moaning about feeling drained, but all of a sudden I felt completely helpless and really sad that a huge role and part of me I was suddenly unable to fore fill. Bodhi would root and pull away then get distressed – I knew it was because he was suddenly scared that the biggest comfort of his life had caused him and me upset and although he didn’t know why, he was apprehensive to try again (Dr Sears describes him as a super sensitive baby … can’t think where that comes from!). This is when I had to trust my instincts and thankfully I have some amazing mama friends who encouraged me to believe in them too and so I listened to my body and his behaviour and hoped that “this too would pass” … and it did! At exactly 6pm on Thursday evening the strike was over … and as Bodhi peered mischievously over my boob, with a look that told me “that will teach you”, I cried happy tears and vowed never to complain about breastfeeding again (which of course I have!).
“This Mama Life”
Thankfully at the same time that was going on and as luck (and a great amount of planning!) would have it I was running two days of events for mummies at one of our happy places & mummy bubbles Button & Bear (a amazing place that’s been my mummy melt downs refuge over the year but also where we have spent many more happy times!). “This mama life” was something I put together to fund raise for two fantastic charities SATH Fertility Centre (without which I wouldn’t be celebrating mothers day) and PANDA’s that do an incredible job at supporting mums and their family’s well being pre and post natally. Above all however I wanted to share the things that have brought me so much happiness, nourishment, smiles, relaxation and fun throughout pregnancy and motherhood with other mamas, whilst bringing together new friendships, support groups and just having some bloody well deserved us time (even with baby in tow!). “Incredible things happen when women support each other” … not a truer word spoken, I am in awe and completely inspired by all the ladies I met over the two days, they like me have their moments (quite often!) when they worry they are doing it wrong, feel guilty for wanting time out, feel exhausted and lonely and overwhelmed at the amount of responsibility and love motherhood brings and also those that carry sadness and pain from loosing babies …
To all you beautiful, brave mamas on this mothers day, YOU ALL ROCK … you are amazing, you are doing what you need to do, no one knows better than you do, you are strong and a whole world of incredible, you HAVE got this … however on the days that you feel you haven’t, that’s what “us” your soul sisters are for, to pick you up, give you a hug and carry you for a bit until you find your feet again … thank you from the bottom of my heart (and my less engorged boobs!) to my soul sisters (you know who you are!) that hugged, carried and “gave me wings” this week.
To all of you that have mummy stars in the sky, take to your heart that a mothers wish is always for their baby to be happy and always know that wish never dies.
To the mums that are desperate to be mums (I’ve been there!), don’t ever stop believing in miracles, these amazing little souls are worth waiting for – sending you lots of baby dust.
On that note – to my very own little miracle, I am so blessed and honoured you chose me to be your mama, you bring more sunshine, love, laughter and happiness to my life then I could have possibly imagined.
Finally, to my own mum, what can I possibly say, except now that I am I mummy I understand that unconditional love, that bond, that joy, that fear, those anxieties and that feeling that a huge part of you now lives outside you … thank you for everything, I love you. x
Happy Mothers Day Mama’s.
Big Love, A x